Numb
by DarkHybridChild
Summary: Songfic.. One of the characters goes over their life.. R&R please


Mandi: hey! Umm.. I was reading fictions here today on ff.net.. and i just got inspired and I was listening to Linkin Park and stuff *shifty eyes* And The plot puppy/bunnies/dragons struck at me from out of nowhere so yeah..  
  
DYB: Yeah yeah.. Well, its in a POV of one of the characters.. Can you guess?  
  
DNK: Anyways enough with the spoiling for once.. *whistles* KATSUYA!  
  
Jou: What?!  
  
DNK: Do the disclaimer please -_-  
  
Jou: Fine.. DSK/Mandi doesn't own yuugiou or Linkin Park's 'Numb' She only owns the plot of this fiction(which, is totally scary since she hardly ever plots stories*)  
  
Mandi: *bonks Jou on the head* FINE! be that way! No S/J ficcie for you!  
  
Jou: O_O NOOOOO!  
  
DYB: -_- Just get on with the story..  
  
*I'm tired of being what you want me to be   
  
Feeling so faithless   
  
Lost under the surface.   
  
I don't know what you're expecting of me   
  
Put under the pressure   
  
Of walking in your shoes*  
  
"Hey, are you comming?" Yuugi called. I felt so much like telling them off.. But no, I just couldn't. They ARE my friends. I smiled fakely at them. "Yeah! I'm comming!" I ran off to join them. I'm so tired.. So sick and tired of doing all the things they want to do.. At first I did, I did everything they wanted me to do.. I just feel to lost, alone. Hopeless.. I've lost faith.. I always look happy on the outside.. I've sunken into myself.. I can't ever let anyone see this side.. I'm being pressured by them daily.. I know they don't mean to.. Or do they..? No! It's not possible.. 'The only person you can trust is yourself.. Everyone else just gets in your way and pushes you down..' That voice.. It rang through my head.. Kaiba said that to us once.. Is he right..?  
  
They expect me to be all of these things, a friend, a helper, a cheerleader, a councler.. It weighs me down so much.. "Hey are you okay?" Yuugi asks me. No, i'm never okay.. But for your sake.. I'll give you want you want to hear.. "What? Oh! Everything's fine! I just.. Was thinking.." I mumbled He looked at me and nodded. They expect to hear from me what they all want to hear, not my opinions, not my thoughts.. Just what THEY want to hear.. I don't know.. It's like i'm trying to walk in their shoes, with this burden loading me down, I'm slipping and falling, crumbling and crying.. And they still don't know a thing..  
  
*(Caught in the undertow / Just caught in the under tow)  
  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
  
(Caught in the undertow / Just caught in the undertow)*  
  
It feels like i'm in this current.. This current of life.. It's caught me and it's swirling me around and around, making me dodge and face these obsticles and things of life.. And it seems that everytime I try to walk along with my friends.. There's always SOMETHING i'm doing wrong in their eyes.. I see their dissapproving looks and their mellowdramatic looks they throw at eachother.. I'm beginning to feel useless.. '"What do you have every night?" "I have everything I need!"' Memories.. They play back in my head.. 'What do you have every night?' My voice.. Something I asked.. What /DO/ I have every night..? 'I HAVE all that I need!' Kaiba's voice.. It was a lie.. But he actually did.. Besides his brother..  
  
Do I have everything I want..? Do I have /ANYTHING/ I want at the end of the day..? 'No..' The voice in my head answered.. No is right.. I have nothing.. Maybe Kaiba was right.. Maybe.. Just maybe, he was really right..  
  
*I've become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there  
  
I've become so tired  
  
So much more aware*  
  
All of this lonliness and heartache won't go away anymore.. I used to be able to rely on my friends.. I can't anymore.. They won't listen to a single thing I say, except for what they want to hear.. 'Never fair..' I think.. Yes, yes, life's never fair, always cruel.. Always taking thing's away. It's like an asylum.. You're locked inside of it forever.. No hopes of getting out.. It's so numbing and cold.. /I'VE/ become so numb.. It's never fair.. "Hey! Hey! Are you in there? We're here!" Yuugi looks at my concernedly "Oh! Right. Sorry, I'm still thinking.. Sorry I scared you!" I smiled again, still fake as always.. I never feel my smiles.. I never feel my friends there either.. It's so tiring.. Going day after day, smiling and cheering them on.. No, it's never about me.. Just them..   
  
I've become aware of that now.. Friends Forever..? Ha! Not likely anymore.. I'm very aware now.. We started in this together.. Now, it's just about them.. Never me.. It never will be anymore.. Life is so cruel..  
  
*I'm becoming this  
  
All I want to do  
  
Is be more like me  
  
And be less like you*  
  
I feel like a piece of clay, taken and been molded into something they wanted me to be, not something I want to be.. Something normal and non expressive, into something cruel and hardened.. Insted of something beautiful and tranquil.. I've become so numb it isn't even funny.. At times I just want to laugh.. But no, not infront of them.. Nope. Never. All I want to do now, is go back to the way I was before this happened.. But change is never willingly accepted.. I doubt I could change back to the way I was anyways.. Once a clay model hardens.. Nothing can change it back.. You can only melt it by heating it up.. Unless you throw it away or break it.. Two things my friends have done.. Broken me and then tossed me aside..  
  
I want to get away from them.. But I never can.. I swore my friendship, and life to them.. I can't.. I can't.. We're out of where we were going.. We're walking along now, all happy friends.. Yeah.. Happy.. I want to go away and change back to myself and never go back to them.. Not to be like them.. But fate has chosen my life and unwillingly too..  
  
*Can't you see that you're somthering me  
  
Holding too tightly  
  
Afraid to loose control  
  
'Cause everthing that you thought I would be  
  
Has fallen apart  
  
Right in front of you*  
  
No, I never chose my life.. And now my friends.. They all expect me to lay down and let them walk all over me.. I feel like they pressure and keep such a tight hold on my i'm choking, like they have a blanket on me and i'm smothering to death.. They have too much of a grip on me.. 'Everyone is either out to destroy you or walk all over you, either way, you can't trust them. The only person you can trust is yourself..' Kaiba again.. Ugh.. Everything he says is starting to seem true to me.. It seems like everything I do is not good enough for you, every intake of air, every step I take isn't good enough..  
  
My life.. Has completely fallen apart, our friendship. Our lives.. Everything has fallen apart infront of my eyes.. I can't take this fact.. Nothing suits them.. And the air is stiffled and heavy.. This air of tranceparency is killing me.. Wearing me down..  
  
*(Caught in the undertow / Just caught in the undertow)  
  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
  
(Caught in the undertow / Just caught in the undertow)  
  
And every second I waste is more then I can take*  
  
I'm still caught in the current of life.. Still turning about, being tossed everywhere. Nothing's right anymore.. But life is never fair.. Every step I take with my 'friends' seems to make them think less of me.. But no.. They don't care about me.. Not as much as I do them.. It hurts.. It really hurts.. I can't stand it! I.. I just can't..  
  
I can't go on living in this false security.. This false hope that someday we'll be like we used to.. It will never be.. Every second I waste just thinking about this is more then I can handle.. This has to stop somewhere.. It might as well be tonight..  
  
*I've become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there  
  
I've become so tired  
  
So much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this  
  
All I want to do  
  
Is be more like me  
  
And be less like you*  
  
Things are so worthless.. Hopeless.. Faithless even.. I stand here in my bedroom doorway, looking around my room.. Fake.. All of it. Just something worldly, nothing I could ever really care about.. I've become to numb and bitter.. Just like someone else I know.. I bet you he knows how this world is.. I bet you he's gone through this many times.. I'm sure of it..  
  
I can't even hear myself breathe.. I can't feel myself pick up the razor on my dresser.. I'm so deep within myself.. So bitterly numb.. I can't feel the pain.. My whole life's pain.. My exsistance is pain.. I look at the perfection carved on my arm.. 'Numb' Yes, numb.. The blood runs down my arm, I watch it with interest.. It runs down.. Just like me.. But first it has to run out.. Yes, I ran out head first.. Never looking where I was going.. Then I fell.. Down... Down.. It's hopeless to try and climb back up..   
  
Now that i'm aware of this life.. I can no longer bare it.. I wanted to be who I wanted to be.. But insted I got to be this.. Cold. Numb. The exact opposite of who I really want to be.. I'm more like what my friends wanted me to be.. Not like me.. I never cared about myself, only them.. And now.. I'm faced with the concequences..  
  
*And I know  
  
I may end up   
  
Failing too  
  
But I know  
  
You were just like me   
  
With someone dissapointed in you*  
  
'I've failed.. But one day you will as well, Motou! As will the rest of you!' He's right.. Everything Kaiba's said.. Is all true.. I've failed my friends.. I've failed myself.. I know it and everyone seems dissapointed in me.. But deep down inside.. There must be a reason.. Though, I won't bother to think about it.. They've all probally had someone dissapointed with them..  
  
Such is life.. Pain is life. Life is everything.. To live, to breathe, to walk, to die.. Is pain.. But It never really matters.. I'm at the park now.. Sitting on a swing. My trusty razor still with me.. The cuts have stopped bleeding. But my soul has not.. It will continue bleeding for the rest of my life until I colapse and die from it.. To escape pain is to run.. But i'm so tired of running..  
  
*I've become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there  
  
I've become so tired  
  
So much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this  
  
All I want to do  
  
Is be more like me  
  
And be less like you*  
  
Numb.. Running, escaping pain.. Has made me so unconsiderably numb.. Friends.. Heh.. Numb. Life.. Numb. Living.. Numb. It's so ironic.. I can't feel the breeze hit my face.. I can't feel myself slide the blade along my skin.. I can only feel my soul cry for release from this burden.. I can't hear my mind screaming at me.. I can only hear my soul beg for its release.. The blood falls to the ground in a puddle.. Becomming a pool..  
  
I'm so tired.. So tired of all of this pain.. But it will all go away.. Soon.. Soon. Numb.. So exceedingly numb.. I'm becomming this.. Numb. I'll finally be able to be something I want to be.. Less like everyone else wants me to be.. Numb..  
  
*I've become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there  
  
(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)*  
  
So cold.. So bitterly cold.. And so numb.. My world is fading.. Changing.. Graying.. Colour that once were.. Are becomming black and numb.. So numb.. I can't feel myself getting tired.. I can't feel my eyelids droop.. I'm just so tired.. So, so tired.. Of everything.. Of what people want me to be.. I'm just so sick and tired.. Of this world..  
  
*I've become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there   
  
(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)*  
  
Yes, so cold, yet so numb.. I can't feel the people around me.. I can't feel the tears spilling on my face.. I was just so tired.. Oh, so tired of what you wanted me to be.. All I am now is..  
  
Numb.  
  
~*Owari*~  
  
Mandi: There it is.. I kinda got inspired..  
  
DSK: I thought you said we were gonna work on our fictions, NOT waste or braiun power on new fictions, we're in threats up to our eyeballs to update our stories!  
  
Mandi: err.. yeah.. Sorry.. I just erm.. yeah Got inspired for a bit.. So um.. Can anyone guess who's POV it's from? Um.. I think it's kinda obvious but yeah..  
  
Y/T: HOW DARE YOU! *lunges for Mandi*   
  
Kenny: WHOA! *tackles her and holds her back*  
  
Josh: *shoves a sock in Y/T's mouth* Hush yopu!  
  
Mandi: *sweatdrops* err yeah.. Please R&R.. 


End file.
